The R-Word

I hear it used more and more everyday.

Retarded.

Now, I realize that for some people (my guess is actually most people) the word retarded is not exactly a word that comes to mind when they think of incredibly offensive words.

But to the few that do realize, it is incredibly offensive.

I still remember coming home from another day of second grade. Such an impressionable age I was at. I had done something dumb/weird/goodness knows what (I know, shocker) and my friend had laughed and said "Oh Samantha, you're so retarded". I had never heard the word before; it's most definitely not spoken in my house. So, naturally, I went home to show off my newly expanded vocabulary. It still breaks my heart to remember this. I did not realize the connotation of retarded would be a mentally ill person. And I most definitely did not realize that it was another way of describing my own uncle. I called my sister it that night I learned it. My dad became furious at first, and then just disappointed. I still remember him sitting my sisters and me down to explain how bad it was to say that word. He told us stories of how kids were cruel to his own brother, my uncle, and how he would get into fights everyday because of that one word. After he let us go, I cried alone in my room feeling like dirt. I still feel the shame when I recall this memory. The next day of school my friend said it again and I instantly blew up on her. The saddest part was the fact that I went to a private school. These were people claiming to be listeners of God, but they were degrading some of God's own children. I guess it's not surprising though. Humans do have a way of being natural hypocrites.

Years after I tried to get my friends to not use it, but I quickly began to realize people did not see eye-to-eye with me; ever. My friends know now that I hate to hear it, but sometimes they slip. They do do their best though, not to use it. I no longer berate them, but I can't help but cringe sometimes. I'm not sure why it is that I care so deeply about this. It may be because I learned this at such a young age. But I think it was because I have experience with it. It's hard for someone to look at the word retarded and see it as being anything more than a silly insult to a friend when they do not have a family member who truly is "retarded". Many people claim they are not making fun of the "person", but they are. It's like using a racial slur or using the word faggot (which I also loath to use).

I often feel alone in these thoughts though, and I understand there will be people who will read this and only roll their eyes or shrug it off; I'm not naive. But hey, if I actually reach out to anyone with this one, then I will feel that much better. Who knows, maybe people will read this and realize not to use the word around me. You can be sure that I am cringing every time someone does use it and that won't ever change, no matter how many people disagree with me.