Samantha:The student

I'm currently folding and creating 500 triangles for the base of my origami swan that I am creating for art (that I'm praying Mr. Berrodin will actually like) whilst dreaming of the upcoming Spring Break. It's during times like these that I think, Samantha, quick looking so far ahead. It'll be here quickly and then you'll regret having just ignored all the time that came before it. It's true! Everyone is prattling on about college and senior year, and leaving Aurora High School in the dust. But I don't want that to come so quickly! I'm not ready to completely grow up just yet. Sure, I enjoy independence; it's who I am. I am an independent woman (yes, woman) who will enjoy the freedoms yet to come along with the experience of college and such. But I don't want to just look to the future because I know I'll regret it when I'm older and looking back at those years of high school. That junior year where all I wanted was to be a senior and to have my college already picked out and waiting eagerly for me. No, that's certainly not what I want. Instead I enjoy living here, in the now. I want to drag on high school because I know my future is not going anywhere, but my present and my past, those are going far too quickly by me. It's practically the end of junior year, but I feel as though I just finished Christmas Break! It's absolutely terrifying to think how close senior year is, and I'm normally not afraid of anything! I listen to the seniors and to the kids who are now in college. They say Don't do it. Don't look ahead and focus on college or your career so much. Just live for today, because trust me, college will come faster than you think. And then you'll find yourself thinking about your friends and high school and missing them terribly. And so, I listen.

I'm not bashing college, honest! I can hardly wait for all the independence and choices. To get rid of those classes I can't stand (eh...math...) and start studying things that I want to study. It's just that I want to focus on it more when it comes a bit closer. For now, I'm just going to live my life as Samantha: The junior in high school. Instead of Samantha: The soon-to-be college student.

Hit And Sunk

Here's something that has bothered me ever since I saw the movie Titanic-Why couldn't Rose and Jack just rotate turns on the door? It bothers me constantly, and I have no idea why.

Jack is the epitome of a gentleman (Ah Leo), so it would make sense that only Rose would live. But that still bothers me! Did the creators of Titanic only do that so that the movie would have an unforgettable ending? It worked, clearly. Which makes me think of the movies that are most popular among my peers; tear-jerkers. If you look at other movies people love (The Notebook, for instance. Yes, even guys like this movie) I think it's that ending that is not quite happy, but not quite sad either. To most, it's a horribly tragic ending, *SPOILER ALERT*, both the man and the woman die. But to others, like myself, it's oddly a happy ending. They end up dying together, just like they wanted, and the woman ends up remembering her past. So I suppose the interpretation of the movie is in the eyes of the beholder. Mayhaps this is why Titanic sticks in my mind so badly. Normally I can decide if I think the ending is completely tragic or if it's happy. But Titanic's ending confuses and annoys me. There were other possible solutions to that ending, I know there were. Maybe they could have rotated. Maybe they could have tried again with sitting on the door. Or maybe, Rose could have just stayed in the stupid life boat to begin with and Jack would have had the door all to himself (Where he would have LIVED). But that would not have been the unforgettable ending that it is today.

So does this mean tragedy tends to stick in human's minds more so than happy endings? I would believe that. It's often the hardest memories that are the most difficult to forget. Tragic endings evoke so many emotions: Sadness, anger, confusion, so this may be why they are so very popular. Happy endings are, for the most part, just that-happy. Maybe this is just me who thinks this, but I think it's the movies and books with tear-jerker endings that sell the best.

If Viruses Could Talk

Am I the only one who thinks of these odd things?

If a virus could talk, what would it say?

Viruses mutate just so they can find new ways of torturing the human race. So if they could talk, could we reason with them?

Going with the whole language thing we've been learning recently in TOK, would the virus speak many languages? Or maybe just the language of the person it is inhabiting. Could it possibly have an accent?

I picture viruses having deep, commanding voices. If they could speak, they would sound powerful because of the things they can do. They are so incredibly tiny, but they can still easily kill a human. Not only that, but they can constantly out-smart us. And yet, they are not alive. Could it be that viruses are really vampires? Undead and sucking the life out of humans. Sounds like a vampire to me! What if we, as humans, could suddenly become just like viruses. We could constantly mutate, but then who would we contaminate? It makes me think, if I was a virus, then what would I even mutate into? I would hope that mutating would be a bit like shape-shifting, so then maybe I could become a bird or something. If humans could mutate, my guess is that many would just try to mutate into better versions of themselves. I guess, in a way, that is exactly what a virus does. My, aren't viruses vain?! Humans would mutate themselves into prettier people, (whatever that looks like) smarter people, more athletic people, whatever gives them the success they want. That's just my guess, at least. I mean, there will be the few that actually mutate for the better, but we'll just see how big that group is.

These are just a few of the many thoughts that clutter my mind. It feels pretty good to get them out. Phew!

The R-Word

I hear it used more and more everyday.

Retarded.

Now, I realize that for some people (my guess is actually most people) the word retarded is not exactly a word that comes to mind when they think of incredibly offensive words.

But to the few that do realize, it is incredibly offensive.

I still remember coming home from another day of second grade. Such an impressionable age I was at. I had done something dumb/weird/goodness knows what (I know, shocker) and my friend had laughed and said "Oh Samantha, you're so retarded". I had never heard the word before; it's most definitely not spoken in my house. So, naturally, I went home to show off my newly expanded vocabulary. It still breaks my heart to remember this. I did not realize the connotation of retarded would be a mentally ill person. And I most definitely did not realize that it was another way of describing my own uncle. I called my sister it that night I learned it. My dad became furious at first, and then just disappointed. I still remember him sitting my sisters and me down to explain how bad it was to say that word. He told us stories of how kids were cruel to his own brother, my uncle, and how he would get into fights everyday because of that one word. After he let us go, I cried alone in my room feeling like dirt. I still feel the shame when I recall this memory. The next day of school my friend said it again and I instantly blew up on her. The saddest part was the fact that I went to a private school. These were people claiming to be listeners of God, but they were degrading some of God's own children. I guess it's not surprising though. Humans do have a way of being natural hypocrites.

Years after I tried to get my friends to not use it, but I quickly began to realize people did not see eye-to-eye with me; ever. My friends know now that I hate to hear it, but sometimes they slip. They do do their best though, not to use it. I no longer berate them, but I can't help but cringe sometimes. I'm not sure why it is that I care so deeply about this. It may be because I learned this at such a young age. But I think it was because I have experience with it. It's hard for someone to look at the word retarded and see it as being anything more than a silly insult to a friend when they do not have a family member who truly is "retarded". Many people claim they are not making fun of the "person", but they are. It's like using a racial slur or using the word faggot (which I also loath to use).

I often feel alone in these thoughts though, and I understand there will be people who will read this and only roll their eyes or shrug it off; I'm not naive. But hey, if I actually reach out to anyone with this one, then I will feel that much better. Who knows, maybe people will read this and realize not to use the word around me. You can be sure that I am cringing every time someone does use it and that won't ever change, no matter how many people disagree with me.

Naive Little Children

At what age does the corruption really start?

It was weird. Just two days ago Sarah and I discussed the corruption of children with Mrs. Hiltson. We don't mean bad corruption, really. Just when is it, exactly, that kids start to get the I-know-all mentality? We decided it's really 7th or 8th grade. Then I began to think... I know kids who have had a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" since 3rd grade! So I guess the real question is, when does the corruption end? Sometimes I think adults forget how much kids really understand and comprehend. Sometimes I myself think that kids don't understand some things, but they do. It's actually kind of amazing what kids can understand, even though most just dismiss kids and their thoughts. I wonder sometimes what the world would be like, if kids had more of a say. Would it be much different? I guess we'll never know!

I'm Officially A Gleek!

Ah I'm in love. And my love is...Glee! How did it take me so long to find such a great show? I love the songs, the actors, the dry humor that seems to be everywhere in the show. It's absolutely entertaining. They seem to find the perfect songs that explain so much! I love the way they sing to share there feelings. If only that actually happened in real life.

Songs seem to magnify feelings. You can take something as simple as just being happy, but when you sing a song about being happy, it seems to be so much more. I enjoy singing and I wish I could have an amazing voice, but not all of us are blessed like Rachel or Kurt or really any of the kids in Glee. But I sing anyways because music seems to be the only thing that can constantly cheer me up, no matter what.

But it is not just the music or the singing that I love most about Glee. It's, of course, the message. The message that it's okay not to fit in. In a way, I feel like Glee was made for the kids of IB. But it is made for anyone who doesn't fit in; those who are "too school for cool". I am a nerd. So I enjoy this message and this show. My only wish is that real life could be like Glee...where we could all burst into song and no one would judge. Oh what a wonderful life it would be!

Bolshephobia

Yes, that is what the fear of Bolsheviks is called; bolshephobia. There are so many crazy, irrational, and fascinating fears. There are ones that seem to have no harm: Blennophobia, the fear of slime or ereuthrophobia, the fear of blushing. But then there are some that can change lives for the worse. People who suffer from heliophobia are terrified of the sun. Due to this fear, these people don't even dare to venture outside. A phobia is defined as being "an anxiety disorder characterized by extreme and irrational fear of simple things or social situations". It is irrational and often times hard to reason with something as strong as a phobia. Phobias are actually quite common. In fact, 8.7-18.1% of Americans suffer from a phobia. I find phobias to be very interesting. The fact that practically anything could be a fear of someone is a bit hard to fathom. I can't imagine having to live with something as strong as a phobia. It would dictate my life and I would hate that (who wouldn't, right?)! So I guess I can say I'm just thankful not to have a true phobia of anything.